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You know what that sound is, fat boy? The sound of your career circling the bowl.
Edie, come back! There's no need to be bitter, just 'cause I'm rich beyond your wildest dreams!
It's an elevator, silly. It has an emergency stop button. And I don't.
C'mon, a dress this gorgeous is meant to be seen! Every day it hangs in a closet an angel loses its wings.
Yeah, I was trying to respect tradition... then I got horny.
Now you listen to me, you blind son-of-a-bitch. If you don't get that mangy, six-nippled Cujo wannabe off my satin sheets, you won't just need a dog to get around -- you'll need a motorized wheelchair you steer with your tongue.
You're like the hot groom and the gay best friend all rolled into one.
I need a man who cares enough to explode when he thinks he's losing me.
I just paid a stylist five-hundred bucks to do my face. You think I want to march down the aisle looking like I just ate a popsicle?
Tonight, you're a redhead. Tomorrow, Helga, the sexy milkmaid. Or Amber, the lonely runaway. Or Jeff, the friendly guy from work. What? I don't know what Tom's into.
Not cold, frozen. I want to see icicles hanging from that bitch's ears!
Carlos, remember what my middle finger looks like? Picture it all by itself.
Carlos Solis is the love of my life. But, y'know, sometimes you get bored and a big greasy, disgusting handyman really hits the spot.
You just laid out all your positions -- don't you want to get acquainted with mine?
Can I borrow your mace? My tax dollars pay for it, I should be able to use it.
Why should we be embarrassed? We're not the ones who kept a corpsicle in the basement.
Seriously. It'll be my treat. And tonight -- you'll be Tom's trick.
Bree sent muffins. Damn things traveled five thousand miles, and they were still moist. I don't know how she does it.
At least the toilets won't talk back.
I was a bad girl for not calling. Now, to make it up to you... I'm going to be really bad.
I admire your taste. It's not theft, it's an homage.
Look, in the eyes of the church, Carlos and I were never divorced. Technically the affair was with Victor. And God smote him, so we're good.
What if you tie the knot, then realize after a month that you miss Ian and Mike misses the coma?
Everything looks different now that I'm First Lady of Fairview.
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